Ha ha ha

(via cracked)

Let’s talk about this Wing Joint SmokeEaters from the T.V show Man VS Food.
1st off Addam Richman should be slapped for going to a a place this disgusting. The location I went to was in downtown San Jose and finding it was a whole other nightmare I don’t want to talk about.
As soon as we pulled up in front of the establishment I was nervous I didn’t know if I wanted to leave the car. I thought the homeless and the gang members might be fighting for who gets to jack me first.
We entered the establishment and the 1st thing you see is the dirty tile floor. It looks as if it’s cleaned with vomit, feces and semen.( knowing the location I’m sure it has lots of semen on the floor)
The floor was gross I have never seen a floor so dirty at a restaurant in my life. I went to the filthy counter to ask if someone takes my order or if I place it here. The man gave me a dirty look spoke in Spanish and then went back to drawing a picture on a piece of binder paper( I guess he is the restaurants private artist because when we left 40 minutes later he was still drawing)
I saw another woman and asked her and she said in as little English as possible “order here” she looked as if she was one of the homeless and was just helping out for free scraps
( that’s one way to kill the homeless problem)
I go to order and the woman gives me a blank stare and then walks away. Another woman then walks up and asks if I want to order. My wife asked for Supreme Nachos and that shit looked disgusting. I have had better food at a 7-11 in Compton. I myself asked to try the HELLFIRE Challenge. I had seen it on Man VS Food and I saw Adam was struggling on it so I wanted to try it. I asked the woman how it’s prepared? What peppers do you use and do you use pepper extract I then asked about the rules. She told me all they add is Habanero sauce and she doesn’t know the rules. I then started yelling because the restaurants artist decided to turn the T.V so loud they could here it in Russia. So I yelled how do I do it if you don’t have the rules. The woman told me to go read them down on the wall on the other side of the dirty restaurant. I placed my order and 20 minutes later my wife’s Nachos came
( they looked like all they do is pick food up off the floor, put it on some multi colored chips and call it nachos.)
My wife had a hard time eating them. I swear to god the meat and meat sauce( ordered chicken) looked just like cat food. Tiny little cubes you see in friskies wet cat food. My wife thinks cat food might taste better but we don’t really want to compare. 20 minutes after the Kitty Platter comes my wings come. As soon as she starts walking towards us my wife and I can both smell the Ghost Peppers. I am a chili head so I say with a little confidence I know my peppers.
That dirty liar told me habanero sauce is all they use. I can handle pretty much anything natural that doesn’t have a Ton of capsaicin extract but why be dishonest to people.
So I tell her the wings are incredibly hot so hot steam is rolling off of them and we need to let them cool a little .she says ” sorry mr you have to start NOW”. I’m thinking Fu@* this its too hot to touch how am I going to eat them. ( today my mouth and throat are all burned from that challenge. )
So I started and the first thing I taste is EXTRACT pepper extract taste like sh!t. It’s vile tasting and SUPER HOT. At first I didn’t think it was a too hot I could taste a lot of Ghost Peppers and thought the heat would only be around that level. After 2 minutes into this challenge the heat was way above Ghost peppers. I had to contend with 2 problems #1 the meat was hot to the touch it just came out of the fryer and was burning my fingers #2 the extract was burning everything it touched too( next day my hands and face had chemical burns from all the extract). The sauce was super thick and they poured around 5 cups over the wings ( thank god they don’t make you drink the sauce left in the paper bowl it would be like chugging a bottle of Hot Sauce)
. I finished the wings in a little over 6 minutes the woman then told me to lick my hands and face as clean as possible. After I did that they started the timer again for 5 more minutes ( I had to wait an additional 5 minutes before trying to cool the burn THEY CALL IT AFTER BURN )
After I did the 5 additional minutes I asked the lady for some ice cream and that caused her to laugh. I said “if you don’t have ice cream bring me some milk” she laughed some more and told me they don’t have anything to help with the burn her exact words “we don’t have any dairy products you need to bring your own”. FREAKOUT TIME
I then started cursing and told them” this is fuc*ed up you need something to help people… who the fuk brings ice cream and milk to a restaurant?) She told me to suck on some sugar cubes and drink some water. ( did thus dumb slop server laugh at me and tell me to suck on sugar cubes?)
They don’t care about what happens to the customer. I started to freak out because my mouth was already physically burned from the temperature of the wings.
I went to the bathroom and that was a complete nightmare. This bathroom was a complete disaster. I was afraid to puke in the toilet because of fecal splash back ( looked like out of the last 30 people that pooped in that toilet only 3 flushed.) graffiti was EVERYWHERE including the toilet seat. This restroom should be the site of the next E.P.A. superfund cleanup site.I ran out of the restroom and told my wife we need to leave I need a restroom to puke in and or a ice cream shop.
I think it’s dangerous and irresponsible for this establishment to not have any dairy products for people to purchase after this type of challenge.
If anyone is planning a visit to this nightmare they call a restaurant I say pass unless you have received all your vaccination shots and have a cast iron stomach. I think the only reason they get any type of business is Adam Richmond made a mistake of going here and now they have that as a big way to attract more victims to eat that awful food.
If you have the chance to eat here PASS its disgusting and I only have negative things to say but if your a serious chili head and want to try a real wing challenge and have all your vaccinations up to date stop in.

This is the challenge info below.

You think you like it hot, do ya? The Smoke Eaters Hellfire Challenge has humbled even the bravest hot wing lovers. Even “professional eater” Adam Richman of the Travel Channel’s Man v Food show barely finished our epic challenge. You’ll sweat, you’ll weep, you’ll wish you hadn’t been so crazy. We dare you.

WHAT’S THE HELLFIRE
CHALLENGE
10 minutes to chow down 12 wings smothered with our hottest Hellfire sauce
No drinks
No napkins, lick your fingers clean
Then you’ve got five minutes to feel the afterburn
Abandon all hope
AS SEEN ON MAN V FOOD


This is another review from a different chili head I found.


I don’t want to over state the hotness of these wings, I know there is hotter. Like eating 10 Ghost Peppers in 10 minutes! I am the guy that amazes everyone with the eating of the Habenero pepper at the party, etc. I eat Dave’s Insanity Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce like its Ketchup. I thought these wings would be a joke. I rolled up there and when they came out, it changed my perspective on this challenge. The sauce is thicker than Tomato Paste straight out of the can. There has got to be three cups of the sauce, so much sauce that the bowl weighed close to 5 pounds all in and the wings were totally submerged, totally. Reaching into this bowl of Paste to pull out the first wing I got half my hand submerged in the sauce and it was on from there. I had the brilliant idea that I wasn’t going to be a wuss and just eat around the wing like Adam did, I was going to put the whole wing in my mouth and pull it out without a single drop of anything on it. The pain after just two wings was so intense my body went into shock. After just two wings, I had just as much of the sauce on my face as Adam after 12 and I thought my strategy was a zero sauce on face strategy. I started shaking, my eyes went blood shot red and tears began pouring down my face. I got tunnel vision and I threw in the towel. I’m telling you, anyone that can eat 12 of these has trained at it for a long time and is a total stud. The fact that Adam did this gives me such a spectacular amount of respect for him! Adam, you are the MAN!!!

SmokeEaters Hot Wings

29 S 3rd St, San Jose, CA 95113, California

Naga Bob standing next to some crazy snow. We just had 90 minutes of freezing rain and then the temp dropped to 25deg F and made the snow rock hard and real slick looking. We have had freezing rain for the last 5 hours and should get 18 inches of snow tomorrow.

SHARI’S IN MOSCOW IDAHO
Well I should have known when I asked to sit at a table and was told this is a table ( no dumba$$ it’s a booth) he  that this was going to turn out BAD…….here we go
does this look like a philly cheese steak dip? ????? NO I wonder why 
I ordered a philly cheese steak dip. The woman asked if I want tater tot’s or fries and I told her ” yuck I hate tots bring me the fries ” so she brought out a beef sandwich with tater tots,cold ONION/TOILET WATER DIP minus all the philly stuff….my wife asked for ranch and ended up with fry sauce THAT SHE HAD TO MAKE HERSELF .
In the end 50 minutes after I ate my roast beef sandwich I got my fries….. SHARIS SUCKS the stains out of homeless mens shorts and serves it as dip for sandwiches ………. only thing I will eat at a sharis is a bullet if you force me to enter one……

Shari’s Restaurant and Pies

121 Warbonnet Dr, Moscow, Idaho

Ok let’s talk about the Log Inn in Elk River Idaho WOW talk about back woods eatery. As soon as Flo meets you at the door to seat ya you think wow how did this lady get so tan out here in the woods I swear to god she looked like a walking talking pepperoni meat stick…………..Then the guy who brings you your order camo hat, muddy logging boots, strange stains on his jeans and a overly friendly greeting. Something told me he wanted to see if I could squeal like a pig WELL I CAN’T SORRY HILLBILLY. When you get seated and take a look around you see that the building is being held together by termites. I’m afraid if they stop holding hands the walls will collapse and the roof will cave in. (I didn’t think it was possible to have termites at that altitude with that cold winter weather)
behind us sat a buffet warming table that looked like the last time it was used was when jimmy carter was in office…I think it had enough dust on it to grow plants…………..After looking around something caught my eye. It was the souvenir counter they proudly sell LOGG INN T-SHIRTS in a variety of colors PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, PURPLE, I was shocked NO CAMO wow must be the big seller i’m happy for them its nice to have pride for your termite box oops diner/  hotel…..then under the t-shirts I saw bottled water and I don’t mean any bottled water it was “LOGG INN ELK RIVER BOTTLED WATER” it even had a nice fancy label that looked as if it was printed on a old 1980’s Epson printer…. I think the glue holding the label on was a nice touch……by the way if you buy a case you get a discount………………well before the meal came I had to use the restroom……just some friendly advice if your in Elk River and you need to go to the bathroom and you can’t stand up to go………… go in your pants or find a good bush down the road cause that restroom was SCARY the sink I think at one time was white but now it has this off black color ……it’s one of those places that all they do is make sure they have soap and T.P. the cleaning part is something for the customers to do while waiting for the food……………….Ahh yes food let’s talk about the food well this is what the 3 of us ordered nachos, finger steak with tater tots and a double bacon cheese burger with onion rings “ A GIANT ORDER THAT TOOK 45 MIN TO COOK”…….well lets talk about the positive…..big portions I mean I don’t see how they make a profit that’s how big the portions are something tells me the meat they use is called tourist meat LOL, nice and hot, well cooked, meat looked and tasted fresh ……….nachos got a 3 out of 10, finger steak got a 2 out of 10 and my burger got a 3 out of 10 …….few things I did not like about the food……grease probably has not been changed in a few years, veggies were real soggy and not fresh ,pickles looked real sad and what the hell is up with putting thousand island dressing on my burger IF YOUR GOING TO USE FRY SAUCE USE IT DON’T PUT SALAD DRESSING ON A BURGER ( they need that stuff over @ the Sunshine Inn) …….I started laughing when I saw what the condiments came in they use a empty twisted tea hard ice tea 6-pack container…..then closer inspection I saw nice little things growing on the condiment dispensers nice touch the parasites on the condiment dispensers can probably mate with whatever is in the bottled water …..im sure that will make a nice trip to the emergency room…………………….also if your in the mood to watch sports while driving around elk river you can go in the back to the sports bar. Back in the bar they watch TV on a 1st generation 1980’s big screen TV and I guess they used to play Pac man until someone broke the screen it looks as if a beer bottle decided it wanted to grow wings and fly in to the screen I also saw that this is the place that they did all the casting for the 1972 movie deliverance…just 10 min before we left the awesome restaurant called the Logg Inn a man came up to the only other customers in the place and pulled up a chair and started talking it looked as if he was drooling on himself ….. imagine napoleon dynamite and a inbred psycho logger had a baby together well this guy is that baby all grown up…………………I tried not to stare or say anything to the people seated with me cause I was afraid he might want to make me in to jerky for him and his cousins.

To sum it all up if you’re in Elk River and you’re hungry and just want to have a good laugh and roll the dice on the food you could do worst ( umm no ). You can buy a pink t-shirt and pretend your playing Pac man as your waiting for the food or you can stare at the cast of deliverance as your eating your food……..just make sure when you leave to buy a case of that famous Logg Inn elk river water it comes with some jim dandy parasites that your butt hole will really love……..but that’s nothing that a shot of J.D. and a few glasses of pepto wont fix………hopefully you wont need any penicillin ……………with a lot of love and a million dollars that could be a awesome restaurant but as it sits i’m sorry to say it is a kitchen nightmare but it’s a whole lot better then the SUNSHINE INN IN KELLOGG ID…I hope you enjoyed this review.

Logg Inn

112 South Front Street  Elk River, ID 83827

this is me TED THE FIRE BREATHING IDIOT